Two days until the Bar Exam. UGH. I was doing pretty well – got through my substantive review of the MBE subjects in early July. Made all of my outlines. Reviewed the essay subjects. Was doing lots of practice MBE questions and doing relatively well – consistently getting between 65-70% correct. As the folks at BarMax told me, all you need to pass is 65%. I’ve heard of some people getting 60% and passing. I don’t remember what my MBE score was in Colorado when I passed in 2008. I was still second-guessing myself, however, allowing that little voice to creep into my head and tell me I hadn’t done enough or spent enough hours because many days I only got 5 hours of studying in. And some days none at all. Then, 2 weeks ago, I got a heck of a cold and just slept for most of the week. This past week I was so stressed and depressed that any efforts to study were stalled by fear and anxiety. But I still managed to do about 25-50 practice MBEs each day. Scores remained fairly good (65-70%, overall average at 68%, and 80-85% in property and criminal law). Then Friday, I got a pathetic 50% on a short 10-question set I did in-between reviewing outlines. Whoah. Yesterday, I did a short set and only got 40% correct. I started freaking out. Did I not learn everything? Did I forget some stuff in the week I spent laid up with a cold? Am I suffering for the periodic booze binges I’ve had? Are the nightly drinks killing my brain cells? Why weren’t they affecting me earlier this month? I did get 86% correct on another short (15 question) set I did on Friday. I’m still hovering around an average overall of 67% correct. But I got freaked out. I finally just had to stop yesterday because I couldn’t read the questions without second-guessing myself.
I’ll get back at it today. I know I know enough to pass! I refuse to allow a couple of bad practice sets get me down. I know this stuff (at least enough to pass the bar exam).
I’ve set aside thinking about career goals, finding work, or becoming the sober-without-AA fabulous self that I want to be. Status quo until after the exam. Though I won’t drink any booze until after the exam. Just lots of yerba mate tea during the day and chamomile at night. Thinking lots of positive thoughts about my ability to pass. I will be licensed to practice law in the state of Utah come October this year! I did it in Colorado and I can do it here.
Just quick thoughts for now until after the exam…then I have some ideas of where to go with this blog. One is to use it to document how a Paleo/Primal diet helps me in managing moods and curbing alcohol cravings. I can already tell you that I have been eating mostly Paleo over the past week and a half and it has kicked cravings to the curb. AMAZING! Eating that way will make it so much easier to completely give up alcohol. And I thought it was helping my brain to just function better overall until the last couple of days. There is a direct correlation, for me, between protein intake and the ability to focus and not give in to thoughts about drinking alcohol. I’d like to continue to explore the connection between my moods, sleep, alcohol intake/desire, and primal/paleo diet. I’ve listened to a few podcasts in the last couple of weeks discussing the connection between the gut and the brain and the real roots of depression. I am so excited – and also pissed off – about what I have learned. Basically, I’ve suffered for much of my life unnecessarily. Been given medications that don’t do anything or even harmed me. Been told everything is in my head (IBS, anxiety, depression) and that therapy is the answer. The truth is, therapy is only PART of the answer. The other part is to give our brains the nutrients they need so that we can actually implement the therapy tools!
I could ramble on and on…but need to get out for a walk or run before starting the day’s review.
I can and will pass the Bar Exam.
Uncaged and Unbroken 